


Back Where We Came From

by TWDObsessive



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Coming Untouched, Crying, Dirty Talk, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Loud Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, POV Daryl Dixon, POV First Person, Retirement Plan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-09 19:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12894975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive
Summary: The war didn't turn out the way Alexandria, the Hilltop, and the Kingdom wanted, so the plan was to scatter; groups of six to ten sneaking off into all directions in the middle of the night.  Daryl, Rick, and a small group take off to Georgia.  They drown in memories as they retrace their footsteps.  The trip back allows Rick and Daryl to figure out what they mean to one another, what they've always meant to one another.





	1. Scattering

**Author's Note:**

> A gazillion kudos to my amazing Beta, lotr58. I feel like I'm getting free grammar lessons from you, my friend!
> 
> This is only a short 10 chapter fic, so I'll be posting daily. Hope you enjoy this look back!

I don't remember whether I ever really believed we could win or not. I just knew we had to fight, people had to die. Mercy and forgiveness ain't made for this new world. I seen up close what the Saviors did, seen what Negan did, what he did to me. I was in that fucking cell taking abuse like I hadn't had since I was a kid. I couldn't fight back when I was all skinny legs, tiny fists and nowhere to go. Ain’t a kid no more. I've killed men for less with my bare hands. After Pa died, I thought I weren’t never gonna fall victim again, no more welts and scars added to my back. But Negan stripped me and seen it right off, and he preyed on my weakness. Tried to put me back in that prison of a six-year-old kid desperate to please his daddy and that ain’t what come of his efforts. Cause I intended to make him pay. Pay for each new scar, for Glenn and Abraham, for how he broke Rick apart, for messing with Carl, for laying a hand on that baby.

I couldn’t let any of that pass. I knew we had to get ready for war and so did Rick. And Rick, he's been my best friend and my family since the beginning. He ain't perfect. He knows that. But I will always have his back. He knows that, too.

When, with tears in his eyes, he tried to get Negan to leave me behind in Alexandria? It was the most emotion anyone ever showed to a Dixon. I weren’t about to waste time in this dangerous world trying to understand why I been following Rick’s every move all these years. He always done right by me but that ain't all. It's really just all so confusing. But he's the only man in my life that never hurt me in no way. So it ain't hard to be loyal to that.

The Saviors kicked our asses, burnt Hilltop to the ground, decimated the Kingdom, killed Michonne, Rosita, Tobin, Eric, and dozens of others. When the alliance met that last night in Alexandria, it was decided by Ezekiel, Maggie, and Rick that the only way to win would be to scatter – disappear in a thousand different directions overnight. Surviving in larger communities wasn't going to work anymore and the alliance decided to go with the homesteader mentality. It put a damper on my “make Negan pay vendetta”, but as I said, I follow Rick. At 3 am on the 45th day of our losing battle, all the communities emptied, groups of no less than six and no more than ten left in every direction with a goal of getting as far away from Virginia as possible and setting up a home somewhere away from people. 

It was a somber evening when Rick pulled the Alexandrians together and told them the news. No one wanted to admit defeat any more than I did. I still wanted blood, revenge, justice. But Rick, Maggie, and Ezekiel were right. We didn’t have the numbers and we just couldn’t take any more losses. We had less than five hours to group up, pack a car, and get going. Alexandria broke out into ten groups and Rick picked the other nine group leaders to help organize.

At first I felt slighted that he hadn't chosen me to help, but when he stepped off the church altar and everyone was quietly dispersing, he came straight to me and leaned close to speak quietly against my ear. “We'll keep the family together best we can. You, me, Carl, Judith, Carol, Maggie, Tara.” He looked to me for my agreement. 

“Carl ain't gonna leave Enid,” I told him.

“Yes. Right. I forgot, Mags is going to be bringing her, too. That's seven of us. We can live off the grid like that.”

“Carol’s at the kingdom and Mags is headed back to Hilltop as we speak,” I pointed out.

“I know. Mags is gonna meet us at the plaza off 19 with Enid. Ezekiel is going to let Carol know the same. She’ll have the option to join us, but I can't be sure she won't want to stay with him.”

“How long do we wait for her?”

“We leave here at 3. Be at the plaza by 3:30. Ezekiel will tell Carol she needs to be there by 3:45, or we’ll be gone.”

I nodded, thinking of any other issues or concerns, while Rick waited patiently for me to digest it all. I hated Alexandria when we first arrived – hated the people, hated the walls, but now I've fought for it, spilled blood for it. It wouldn't be so easy just walking away. But if I was doing it with Rick, I knew it would be okay.

“We give Carol til four,” I said. And Rick nodded.

“Okay, you and Tara start to load up the white van parked at our place,” Rick said as he turned to go back to the other team leaders, but I stopped him.

“Rick? Where we gonna go?”

He didn't hesitate, had already thought it out. “Back to Georgia. Find a plantation like the Green place maybe, or check the prison. See if it survived. See if we can take back a small section for ourselves. If part of it looks destroyed, we shouldn’t have any trouble with the living sniffing around.”

It was plan enough for me. While Rick made sure the other groups had what they needed, I packed up the van with weapons, ammunition, Judith's potty and some of her toys, blankets and every can and box of food we had in the house. I also filled up every container with drinking water. 

As I was cramming the supplies into the van, I turned to see Tara. “I wonder if Judith would mind if I used that potty when we're out there on the road,” she asked.

I just shook my head. We all got to know each other so well in all this time I probably could have guessed word for word what she was gonna say when she seen I thought of the potty.

“Hear we’re going home,” she said, hands in her pockets and eyes focused on her own boots. I knew to this day it still bothered her that she was on the wrong side of the fence during the prison battle. But she was family now, and I wish she knew that better.

“Yeah.” I never did say much, never was much of a talker, and the years had taken so much out of me, I sometimes spoke only a few words a day. The only person I talked to most was Rick and that was because we could do most of it without words.

“I’ll go get the food I have left at my place. Got some medical supplies there still from Denise too.”

I nodded and sat down on the back of the van to smoke a crumpled cigarette I had in my pocket. Denise. That was on me. Beth. Glenn. Merle. Hell, if I thought hard enough about every life we lost over the years, I could find a way to fault myself for all of them. I was glad Tara would be coming with us. I owed it to Denise to take care of her. And I owed double to Mags.

By the time Rick was back with Carl and Judith, I had everything ready to roll out. We had about five hours to catch some sleep before 3 a.m. Tara stayed with us at the house and I got a few good hours before I woke up early and crept out to sit on the porch and watch the moon over Alexandria one last time.

I wasn’t out there no more than ten minutes before the door opened and Rick came out and sat beside me, shoulder to shoulder, looking out at the night sky. We’d sat like that more times than I could count over the years.

“Sorry I couldn’t win this thing,” he said.

“Ain’t on you. We was all in it together. Can’t expect to beat a bunch of animals like that. They don’t care ‘bout nothin’ but themselves and that gives them a hell of a leg up.”

“Still wanted to kill him. Hate leaving without keeping my word to him on that,” Rick said.

“Disappearing is probably going to piss him off more than anything else. He’s like a cat with a mouse. He just wants to play with us. No sense in letting him.” I knew that was what Rick needed to hear since everything was set in motion. But I still wanted to kill Negan, too. It was going to take a lot for me to come to peace with just running.

We sat out there for the next two hours, wordless. I liked that about Rick. He was okay with quiet. God knows Merle never was. Lights started coming on from a few of the houses down the street and Rick looked at his watch. “Two-thirty. We should probably get everyone up and slip out of here.” He stood and reached down for my hand and I took it. It was moments like that where we connected that I felt a little less alone in the world. Ain’t never felt that even when the dead stayed dead. Ain’t never felt like that til Rick.

We drove out of Alexandria last, closing the gates behind us. Rick’s eyes were glassy with tears and so were Tara’s. I bit at a nail and kept my gaze focused out the window. It was the start of a new chapter and I ain’t the kinda guy that embraces change. Finally got used to this goddamn suburban fortress and now we gotta run. We’re always gonna be runnin’. Ain’t no other way to get by. 

We kept the headlights off and drove by the moonlight, pulling into the plaza at nearly the same time as Maggie and Enid. Rick jumped out to tell Maggie to keep up with us so we wouldn’t get separated. There was no way we could all fit in one vehicle, although I was sure everyone would prefer it that way. Then we just waited for the four o’clock deadline with Carol. I had no reason to believe she’d choose to go with a Kingdom group. But I also had no reason to believe she’d come with us. Her plan had been to push away the people in her life so she could stop caring, stop losing people, and stop killing. I figured we had a fifty-fifty shot of her showing. Me? I desperately wanted her with us. We had a kinship of our own and an understanding and other than Rick, she was the most like family I ever had. It was 4:15 when we finally left without her.


	2. Traveling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said it before and I'll say it again. Thanks lotr58!!!

We twisted our way back south slowly and carefully, taking roads that were less traveled and less likely to attract the eyes of others. Nowadays, we were more concerned about the living than the dead. The dead were uncomplicated, just rotting flesh and bone waiting to crumble to dust. The living – that’s where the trouble lies. You don’t know their intent like you know the intent of the dead. 

We didn’t stop driving except for bathroom breaks, switching off drivers every six or seven hours. We were about twenty miles from the prison when we ran out of gas and couldn’t find any other cars to switch over to. We was on foot from there and it was slow going because our lil’ ass-kicker had learned to walk, well waddle, in Alexandria, and she wanted to walk by herself. 

We started taking time to show her how to climb trees. Gonna be a while before li’l girl can knife a walker in the eye, but we can teach her to get up and out of the way if trouble’s a comin’.

“You really think there’ll be anything left of the prison?” Maggie asked no one in particular as we trudged down a backroad that seemed somewhat familiar.

“Worth looking into,” Rick said. “Served us well for a long time.”

I was walking by Rick’s side, like always, and looked back to make sure Enid and Carl were keeping up. Their high school hand-holding was cute, but I was gonna have to break the news to Rick that someone needed to make sure they was being safe. I was already getting nervous about Maggie’s due date. Didn’t want to have to worry with another one.

“Da’yl!” Judith squealed as a butterfly landed on her pudgy fingers. “‘Buh Fly!”

“Outside voice, sweetheart,” I whispered, which ironically meant what inside voice used to mean in the old days. It was like bein’ hit with a cattle prod every time she said my name, losing the R like that. Always made me flash back to Dale lying in that field waiting for me to pull the trigger. Who would have ever thought the days would get so much worse.

“‘Buh Fly,” she whispered animatedly. She was a good girl. Knew how important rules was and weren’t afraid to skin those knees to climb trees like we was teachin’ her. 

The butterfly spread its wings and left, spiraling up and out of sight as Judith watched it and tripped over her footing. I yanked her up into my arms before she started to cry.

“I’ll take her,” Rick offered. “You been lugging her more than your share.”

“Don’t mind,” I answered as she rested her head on my shoulder, resigned to the fact that she’d be hitching a ride for a while.

“Y’know…gonna be a lot of ghosts,” I said nodding my head towards the horizon we were walking towards. We lost a lot at that prison and we were going back with some very obvious holes in our family.

“Yeah,” Rick answered, nodding his head.

“You ain’t always been good with ghosts,” I pointed out.

“I know,” he said with his shy grin and that tilt of his head, “but I’m getting better.”

We walked a little more, Judith weighing heavy in my arms and her legs dangling against mine as I walked. 

“Maybe we can try to forget all this. Terminus, the Saviors, Alexandria. Just start fresh. We’re wiser now,” Rick said.

“I ain't ever gonna forget,” I said quietly, still holding onto revenge like a layer of dirt that won't wash off my skin.

“You didn't agree with leaving,” Rick said. He could always read me so it wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

“Wasn't my call.”

“Well, I'm asking you now.”

“Last time we left an enemy alive, the prison fell,” I said, trying to just make it a statement of fact and not a blame.

“But he knew where we were. And this time we’ve got the distance on our side,” Rick said. I knew he was every bit as nervous about still leaving Negan alive in Virginia. But he knew the scatter was our only move other than a complete and total group suicide mission. And honestly, I knew that, too.

I shifted Judy to my other shoulder and Rick took her from me. We both knew how damn heavy she was getting. I looked back to see our group – Tara, Maggie, Enid and Carl. Just us now. With no intentions to be do-gooding or looking for help from anyone but ourselves.

We got to the prison in the evening, the sun just starting to set behind it, beautiful colors a backdrop for the burned and broken building. It certainly seemed abandoned at first sight and we all stopped in our tracks to look at it.

“Still some walkers in there. Not too many, though,” I said. “Nothin’ we can’t handle.”

“Still got that back tower,” Maggie added as she bit into an apple. We was sure to bring plenty of food for Maggie and we carried a good bit of it with us when we abandoned the vehicles. She’s eating for two, ain’t none of us gonna forget that.

“You guys lived here?” Enid asked in surprise.

Rick nodded. “It was home for a while.”

“Even if it’s not fit to stay in, we can at least bury Daddy,” Maggie said quietly, her hand rubbin’ at her barely there bump.

Tara shifted on her feet, no doubt still harboring guilt from being on the wrong side of the prison battle. I patted her on the back. Dixons don’t usually go for comforting others, especially not using physical touch to do it, but I ain’t as much a Dixon as I used to be.

Rick handed Judith to Carl and gave me the look and the nod that means “come on, let’s take care of this. You and me.” I like that look. Always have.

“Let Daryl and me go down there, take a look around,” Rick said. “You guys stay back here and keep an eye out. No sense dragging everyone down if it isn’t suited for us to stay.”

He and I walked out of the woods and headed towards the gate. Everything had been frozen in time. The vehicles still sitting where they’d been. The tank up against the building. Fences down. Rubble everywhere.

We paused at the spot where Hershel’s remains were. So much time had passed. If it weren’t for the prosthetic leg that was laying there, we probably wouldn’t have been able to recognize what was left of him. The eye patch on one of the other corpses, gave away it’s identity and Rick stomped on it’s skull for no other reason than to let off steam.

He gave me a nod signaling me to follow him through the gates. There were four or five walkers roaming the yard and we got them silently, my bolts, and Rick’s hatchet. We moved through the remains of the prison like we always done. Wordless and moving like one body, speaking with head nods and eyes. C-block was destroyed. D had a hole blown out of the back of it, too big to patch up. Even the cafeteria was missing two walls. 

Rick shook his head. “Don’t think there’s enough left to work with here for the long term.”

“Feels like a cemetery anyway,” I said. “Too many people should be here ain’t gonna be. Too many died here.”

Rick nodded. “We’ll try for something else tomorrow. This should be able to keep us one night at least. Even if it’s just at the top of tower four.”

I nodded. We had a few more walkers to take out on our way back through the cafeteria, but that was it. The prison was in such shambles even the walkers didn’t want it anymore.

We went back out to Hershel’s body and used a blanket from one of the Governor’s vehicles to carry what was left of him with us. “We’ll bury him in the treeline there,” Rick said. “Think Tara has a small shovel with her.”

Maggie fell to her knees in tears when we laid Hershel in front of her. We all listened as she told him of Beth and Glenn and the new life inside her. And, of course, of how much she missed her dad. Enid was at her side.

I pointed to Tara’s shovel and she gave it to me. I started to dig as everyone stood there, taking in what had become of the prison. 

“Day’l,” Judith whined from Carl’s arms. “I play.” She tried to wiggle out of Carl’s grip.

“Ain’t digging for worms this time, lil’ ass kicker. This ain’t playing.”

“Daddy, I help?” she said, turning her attention to Rick.

Rick went over to her, his eyes continuing to scan the prison as he bent and kissed her head. “We aren’t staying long, sweetheart. How about you hunt for some worms over here while Daryl and Daddy finish up.”

Carl put her down and she waddled to a spot and dropped onto her bottom, immediately digging into the ground like an old pro.

“It’s not right for her to have nothing but dirt to play with,” Tara said. We were all keeping our voices respectfully quiet.

“‘S’all _I_ had,” I said as Rick grabbed the shovel from me and took over for a bit. “And I turned out okay didn’t I?”

“Well, I mean…you’re dirty,” Tara said pointing me up and down.

“Shut up, girl. We’re all dirty,” I teased back quietly, bumping elbows with her.

Maggie finally stood up with Enid’s help. She wiped her eyes and straightened up, reclaiming her strength and her new confidence. “I think we should head southeast, back to Daddy’s farm. The barn burned, but the house didn’t. It’s way off the beaten path and you have a good view all around to watch for walkers or wanderers and we’re familiar with the area. Gives us a leg up.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Rick replied as I took the shovel back from him. 

“Too late tonight,” I said. “We can stay here for now, find another vehicle tomorrow, and then go back to where we left all our stuff up the road.”

Rick nodded. “That’s what we’ll do. I think tower four will be big enough for all of us to camp out safely tonight,” he said as he pulled out his colt and checked the chamber. That was a habit of his. A tick. I don’t even think he knows he’s doing it anymore.

“I think it’s deep enough,” I said as softly as I could. I’d almost forgotten how much I missed the old man. Toughest son of a bitch I ever seen. Loses a damn leg in the middle of the apocalypse and still gets up and does what needs to be done. Maggie and I lowered his body into the hole and Carl took the shovel to start covering him. 

When it was all done, we stood around the grave. No one had anything to say out loud, but I’m sure we all had plenty goin’ on in our thoughts.

“It’s getting dark. Let’s get everyone settled in tower four. We’ll keep two of us on guard at the bottom,” Rick said.

“I got it,” I grumbled. 

“I will too, then,” Rick added. “We’ll swap out around three?”

“Wake me then,” Maggie said.

“Yeah, me too,” Tara added as we made our way back through the prison gates. 

I was overcome with a boatload of memories that I couldn’t shake ever since the prison came into view. I know we all felt that, but I wondered how Tara was fairin’. She was on the other side of the fence at the end and I know she still carries a heavy load of guilt from that. I understand guilt. Got plenty of my own.

Once everyone was settled up in the fourth tower, Rick and I stood at the base, scanning the horizon. We killed two more random walkers, then sat down shoulder to shoulder.

“Weird bein’ here again,” he said.

“Yup. The good old days, before we knew there was Terminus and the Sanctuary. In hindsight, Woodbury wasn’t shit in comparison,” I said, keeping my voice low so the others could sleep.

Rick nodded and I saw the start of tears in his eyes. That happened sometimes. He’d just get overcome with emotion and it would leak out of him like a rusty faucet. He put his fingers to the bridge of his nose, another tick of his that I was so familiar with. 

“We been through a lot,” I whispered, putting my hand on his knee to calm his nerves. He put a hand on top of mine and squeezed like he was falling off a cliff and I was the only one trying to save him.

“I couldn’t have done any of this without you, Daryl. Wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you, and neither would my family.”

The tight grip he had on my hand made it too difficult to pull it back so I just let him keep it there. “All’s I ever did was follow your lead, man.”

Rick looked at me, cocked his head, and held my eye contact so strongly it almost felt physical, like a hug or a squeeze on the shoulder. His eyes were shimmering like water in moonlight from his tears, but he looked at me like there was nothing else in his world but what he saw in my eyes. 

He licked his lips and looked away. “Ezekiel suggested you should lead your own group out,” Rick said.

I shrugged, even though the thought of it made my stomach drop like a boulder fallin’ straight off a cliff. “I would have if you needed me to,” I said, even though I hated the mere thought of it.

“No, no,” Rick said. “I couldn’t do it. I can’t…be without you by my side. It was a selfish decision.”

I shrugged again. “Glad you made it. I like to be…by your side, too. Makes me feel better,” I admitted. 

He squeezed my hand again and brought it up to his forehead and leaned into it. The crickets was loud as fuck but even so, I thought I could hear Rick’s heartbeat over all of it. He looked up at me, eyes clearer now, and he reached out to run some fingers through my hair. “Tara’s right, y’know. You _are_ dirty,” he laughed, but he kept his hand by my cheek and I looked at him, confused, as he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. 

I startled back a bit; I sure as shit hadn’t expected that. Rick had never…he hadn’t ever done anything like that. He liked women – Lori, Jessie, Michonne. Hell, _I_ liked women!

“What...what was that?” I asked. It wasn’t uttered with venom or disgust, just curiosity. 

“Fuck if I know,” he said, disappointment clear in his voice and in the fall of his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

This thing I’ve had? This overwhelming desire to follow Rick to the ends of the earth? I often wondered if it was just because he was the only person who really knew me, or if it was something more that I hadn’t explored in myself yet.

I turned back to him. He looked so lost and hurt and helpless. I hated that. I hated when Rick broke apart and there was nothing I could do. I didn’t dislike the kiss, I just wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t know how to explain that with words. Words ain’t never been my strong suit. And the intimacy we shared for that fraction of a moment was...gentle. And nice. Comforting. He finally looked up at me after pretending he didn’t know I was staring. 

I put my hand against his cheek, felt the bristle of his growing beard tickle against my palm. I looked in his eyes, searching for permission, and those eyes were wide open and inviting. So, I leaned into him and his lips parted for me when I was just an inch away. I pressed my lips to his and he cocked his head to get a better angle. His mouth worked on mine, hungry like buzzards pluckin at roadkill. 

He grew confident and put his arm around my waist and I twisted more to face him as we sat on the cold, hard ground. The wet sounds of his lips and his tongue against mine were suddenly the only things I could hear. The crickets had faded into the background. Everything was gone but Rick. His lips were full, plump, and they tasted like the strawberry twizzlers Tara had been passing around back at the vehicles. Kissing him was like gorging on forbidden candy and finally we broke apart, both gasping for breath, eyes on one another cautiously. 

“Why?” he asked.

“Why what? You did it first,” I snarled a little more defensively than the situation called for.

He smiled and rested his hand on my leg. “I know. But did you only do it because...because you always follow my lead?”

“I don’t know why I did it,” I answered, the ghost of his lips still tingling against mine. I really didn’t know. But it wasn’t because Rick wanted it, it was because I did. I just didn’t know I did until that moment. After the quarry, the CDC, the farm, the prison, Woodbury, Terminus, the claimers, Grady Memorial, a fucking tornado, Alexandria, the wolves, Negan’s Sanctuary, and thousands of walkers in between. After all that time with a man that’s been good to you, done right by you? I guess something happens. Like suddenly you want more than just to _know_ he’s there. You want to _feel_ that he’s there, touch him and find comfort in his presence. 

The sound of footsteps pulled us both out of our shared trance and we stood up and dusted the dirt off our jeans as Tara and Maggie came around the corner. 

“Go ahead and get some sleep,” Maggie whispered with a firm nod. 

Rick went up first and I followed. The space in the tower was tight. Carl and Enid were tucked together with Judith in Carl’s arm. I remembered again about someone needing to give Carl the talk. Rick laid down on the other side of Judith and I laid down next to him. Used ta always lie back to back with him when we was out on runs and stuck in random houses. But now it felt different. Felt more private, like I shouldn’t be here with the kids right by us. I bit at a nail in the dark, the stars suddenly blotted out by clouds. And I wondered if we’d do that again, that kiss, that intimacy, that shared moment where we were both one, alone on this earth with nothing else but each other. I would like to do that again and I hoped Rick would too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts and where you think everything will go! Hope you are enjoying!


	3. Raining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your daily reminder that lotr58 is awesome.

The next morning brought a downpour of rain. There weren’t no way we was gonna be able to get nowhere in the weather, so’s we had to prepare for a few more days at the prison. Rick and I left everyone at tower four and went back into the bowels of the prison to check some of the other blocks.

I ain’t no girl that needs to talk about shit all day long, but I felt like what happened the night before needed at least a few words. Rick didn’t have none though, and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna bring it up. 

“Maybe we should get outside, see if we can get one of those cars running and head back to our vehicles so we can haul back our supplies,” Rick suggested as we finished clearing a room.

“E-block’s empty,” I said. “Group can come down here. One person on point at the tower.”

“We shouldn’t have any trouble with the living. Most people are gonna stay put on a day like this.”

“Walkers get riled up in the rain, though,” I added.

Rick nodded as he took out the clip of his gun and checked his bullets. “We didn’t bring along enough food for a few days. We need to get those supplies.”

“You know I’m with you, man. I’ll go out and see if I can get anything running.”

Rick nodded at me and I walked away to check out the vehicle situation. Yup, that was it. Not a murmur about what we shared the night before. Maybe it didn’t mean as much to him. Hell, he usually kisses everyone anyways. Lori, Jessie, Michonne, Carl, Judith.

Me, though? I’ve never kissed anyone. Ever. I never felt someone so close, so gentle, so connected. It was a moment that was seared into my brain every bit as much as Glenn’s death. And it was nice for once to have a memory I could look back on that brought me warmth instead of emptiness and chills. If it never happened again, at least I’d still have that memory.

There were several vehicles outside--remnants of the battle-- and I finally got one of the trucks to start up. After I’d gathered some gas cans and siphoned out enough from the rest of the vehicles to fill up the ones we left stranded, I went back inside to get Rick.

By the time I got there, everyone had settled into E-Block. Carl and Enid were sitting shoulder to shoulder against the wall, talking softly to one another. Maggie was holding Judith, and Tara was gnawing on a Twizzler.

“Where’s Rick?” I asked the exhausted group.

Carl looked up. “Up on tower four. You get a car started?”

“Yeah, I did,” I started to turn away, but then thought better of it. Waiting for the right time, talking to Rick when he had so many other things to worry about...it just couldn’t wait any longer. Especially since we got bunks now and a little privacy again. “Carl, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Yeah,” he jumped up and walked over to me, away from the others. He had his father’s walk now and he’d grown so much. If I saw him from a distance I might even mistake him for his father. “Something wrong?” he asked.

“Nah, no. I just...just wanted to have a chat.”

“Bout what?” Carl asked, perplexed.

“Just...you doing okay? Being back here, it’s like...a lot of heavy memories.”

“I’m not dad. I don’t let things haunt me. You know that, Daryl.”

I did. I knew that. But I had to start the conversation somewhere. “You and Enid are getting close,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah,” he said, trying to suppress a grin so he could uphold his manly personna.

I bit at a nail, looking back to her as Maggie was handing her Judith. Sometimes lil’ asskicker got in one a them cuddly moods where she wasn’t trying to run around and play. She just wanted to burrow into one of the family and be loved on. Can’t blame her. That sounds damn nice to me too. I returned my focus to Carl before I continued.

“Y’know...not sure if you’ve gotten the birds and bees thing. But Maggie’s coming along and I’d worry like hell if we had two of our people knocked up. You get what I’m saying?”

He cocked his head to the side, much like his father. “You think I don’t know how dangerous that is? I killed my own mother because of a pregnancy. Right here. In this very prison. You think I’d forget the dangers?”

“No, kiddo,” I said, immediately regretting using the word kiddo. I was trying to level with him man to man. “Fooling around is incredibly tempting when the rest of the world has fallen to shit. I just want to be sure you have what you need to be safe.”

Carl nodded. “Maggie gave Enid a bunch of condoms already.” He paused and shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “I haven’t done anything yet. Y’know...just for the record.”

I was so relieved that everything seemed to be in order with that situation. I put a hand on Carl’s shoulder and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “You’ve become a smart, strong young man. And despite growing up in this world, you still got respect and understanding and sensitivity. I’m proud of you. And I know your daddy is, too.”

Carl nodded, blushing. “I’ll keep this place safe while you and dad go get our supplies.”

“I know you will,” I said. When he went back to Enid and Judith, I turned to go fetch Rick from the tower. 

I climbed up, soaking wet from working all that time in the rain. The hatch door opened before I could reach for it and Rick grabbed for my hand to help me up. He was wet too, no doubt from doing a perimeter check so he’d feel better about leaving.

“Got something?” he asked, eyes still scanning the horizon.

“Yeah, one a them trucks is running. Siphoned a few gallons of gas from the others for our vehicles.”

Rick looked at me and leaned against the wall as if he was in no hurry to get this miserable chore over with. “Feels weird being here again. Don’t you think?”

I nodded. “You having any trouble? Y’know…with your ghosts?”

Rick shook his head with a soft laugh. “No. Not seeing things. Just...lots of memories. We did good here. This could have been the place,” he said wistfully.

I nodded. “We’ll do good again.”

Rick walked to the railing and stuck his hand out to catch some of the rain. “I don’t want things to be _exactly_ the same. We coulda done better.”

“Like how?” I asked, noticing his melancholy, nostalgic expression and his inner struggle to come up with the right words.

We were quiet for a while, side by side, just like the old days. And eventually Rick stretched and turned towards me, and I could tell instantly that he needed a hug. Rick was a toucher. He always had been and I always allowed Rick to get what he needed. In fact, I eventually learned to crave that physical sensation of another person’s warmth as well, after he’d shown me over the years how settling and sweet it could be. 

He hugged me tight like he was afraid I’s gonna blow away in the wind and before I know it, he had my head in his hands and his lips on mine. I froze. I memorized. I wanted to savor this memory too because I didn’t know how often I’d get these physical moments. This time I wasn’t as surprised and I held him tighter, practically devouring him with my desperate mouth. His lips felt so right against mine. The way our bodies slotted together, it was like Rick was a missing half of me. I ran my hands through his wet mop of curls.

“Rick, what is this?” I asked between gentle kisses.

He held my head still but pulled back from the kiss. “I have regrets, Daryl. I fell in love with you in this prison and I never did anything about it. I lost years of possibility. If this...isn’t something you want to hear or talk about, I’ll stop. I don’t want to lose what we already have. But I can’t keep wondering if there could be more. I need to know if there could be.”

That was a lot of words for a Dixon to have rolling around in his head. I don’t talk much as everyone already knows. And that’s because I like to think before I talk. I like to have a purpose for my words that is well thought out and planned. I was always too shy and nervous to talk without fully preparing for a conversation. I gave him a terse nod to let him know that everything was going to be okay. But instead of responding to the matter at hand, I opened the hatch for the ladder. “We should get those vehicles before it gets too late in the day.”

I climbed down the ladder and Rick followed. I had a lot to figure out and understand. It was going to be a long drive back to our supply vehicles.


	4. Remembering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lotr58 knows grammar and spelling a hell of a lot better than I do!

Rick drove in silence as I gazed out the window biting a nail. What did he want from me? Did he just want me to submit to his advances each time he felt he needed a warm body? Did he really _love_ me? Did he want the whole package, from flesh to emotions? Did he need me to explain how I felt about him?

I thought about me and Rick in those old prison days. Thought about the looks he’d give me, the way he relied on me. Remembered how broken he’d looked when I left with Merle. And how relieved he was to see me come back. Course I noticed all them things cause my eyes was always on him; those bow legs, the long curls, the blue eyes and plump lips.

“We’re almost there,” he said flatly. 

When we pulled off the road near where we’d hidden the vehicles, I grabbed Rick’s arm before he could reach for the door. “Wait,” I said without any idea of what I would say next.

“Earlier, what you said? Is that...true?” I asked.

He turned in his seat to look directly at me and cocked his head. “Yes. I wish you had enough self-worth to know that without asking.”

I took one of his hands and started to play with his fingers in an effort to keep my thumbs out of my mouth as I talked.

“I remember the prison, too. Very well. You called me family. You looked in my eyes like I mattered, like I was important…”

“You do matter, Daryl. You always have.”

I looked up at him so he could read in my eyes that I wanted him to shut up so I could spit out the emotions I knew he wanted. I took a deep breath and sighed. “You trusted me, you wanted me with you, needed me, leaned on me. I never had that before. I knew I’d die for you, Rick. Long before the Claimers.” I let some time pass with just the sound of the rain on the hood of the car to fill the silence, then I continued. “I knew I’d die for you back at the Quarry. Two minutes after I threatened to kill you...and you offered to take me to find my brother...after you done just found your own family? That made me yours instantly. And since then I’d take whatever you would give me.”

“I want you,” Rick said. “Completely.”

“I ain’t never thought that would be a possible thing.”

“Why? I’ve practically swallowed you whole with my eyes. You’ve had to have seen that over the years. When Negan brought you to Alexandria for the day? When you were in the truck and he was driving you away from me? When I finally found you at Hilltop? We hugged. Those two minutes were the best I’d felt since even before the dead came around. Feeling your body, your muscles, holding you while you were overwhelmed with emotion, while _I_ was overwhelmed with emotion.”

“What do you want from me?” I asked, quiet and unsure.

“I want everythang.”

A bang of thunder snapped us out of an open and inviting gaze that nearly had us both in a trance. The rain picked up.

“We better fill these vehicles up and get them back before things get worse,” I said. “We already survived one tornado. Don’t want to take no chances with a second.”

We moved unison in that mind-reading way we had, filling up both tanks, clearing off the brush that we used to hide the SUV and the van.

“See you back at home,” I said out of habit, because that damn prison had been home for so long. 

Rick walked back to the SUV and before I could climb in, he kissed me again, open mouth, timid tongue, gasping breaths. “Don’t be too far behind,” he said.

The drive back was miserable. I could barely see through the rain and I had so much damn shit spinning around in my mind that I didn’t know which way was up. I thought back to the early days of the prison. Rick farmin’ them crops, throwing away his gun for a shovel in a desperate search for normalcy. I fought like hell to give him the time he needed. Told the council he wasn’t ready to come back. He needed that break and now I wondered if what he really needed was me. It was a foreign feeling to have that kind of wonder cross my mind. But Rick don’t speak no lies. I believed everything he said, not because I think I’m that worthy of his love, but because I know he means his words.

By the time we worked our way through fallen branches and a couple storm-drunk walkers, it had taken two hours to get back to the prison. I couldn’t even tell if night was falling because day never seemed to show its face. Carl and Enid unpacked the vehicles as Maggie pulled us aside.

“Look, I know there’s not much left of this place, and I talked about going back to the farm, but there’s enough room here for the seven of us to stay a while. I think we should take some time here. We’ve all been traveling so long and with the rain...let’s give ourselves a week off before we make any further decisions.”

I been so impressed with Mags. She’s a real leader and Glenn would have been so Goddamn proud of her.

Rick nodded his agreement after he glanced at me first. He’s always done that. He’ll look to me before making decisions to get my input, either a nod or a subtle shake of the head. Again it was like we was one person — him making the decisions and coming up with the plans, and me giving him the strength and confidence to make them. We filled parts of one another that each of us was lacking.

I thought back to the early days of the prison as I leaned against the prison door and looked out over the yard. There used to be a garden there. There used to be a young blond girl there singing songs. There used to be rows and rows of dead against the fence as Glenn or Axel or any one of the group was at the line stabbing them dead with whatever weapons we could find.

Axel. I’ll take that one too since he wouldn’t have been shot if I’d have stayed vigilant like Michonne and kept looking for that prick Governor. We’d gotten to know that little guy well and I know Carol had a thing for him. My heart broke for her all over again.

I found myself singing under my breath as I stared at the wet grass in the yard. Beth’s song.  
 _Oh all the comrades that e'er I've had  
Are sorry for my going away  
And all the sweethearts that e'er I've had  
Would wish me one more day to stay  
But since it falls unto my lot  
That I should rise and you should not..._

“Daryl?” Rick said, shaking me out of my memories. “Everyone’s picked out a bunk. Plenty of room in E since there’s so few of us.”

I laughed. “E used to be a no-go zone. Remember? Too dark and too many walkers.”

Rick nodded with a wistful smile. “Sure is coming in handy now.”

“Maggie, Tara, Carl and Enid are all set up in the bottom row of cells.”

“Where’s yours?” I asked.

“2nd floor”

“I’ll take the one next to you,” I said, realizing that even if we hadn’t started a “kissing and talking about it thing”, I still would have chosen that cell, because being by Rick’s side is what I always done.

Rick smiled, nodded and went back inside. After a while I went in as well and found Carl and the girls playing Uno. Judith was toddling around them with her toy phone, pretend calling each one to let them know that her favorite color was green. Rick finally came down the staircase from where our cells was. He bumped my shoulder and we both sat nearby to watch the game.

Carl was smiling. It was one of those moments where he looked like a kid again for just a sliver of a moment and I flashed back to him sipping wine at the CDC and making that face. I’ve watched these damn kids grow up. Hell with Judith I was holding her and feeding her before the damn umbilical cord fell off. 

Judith toddled over with her toy phone and told her Daddy he had a phone call and she handed him the receiver. The air grew still and the hairs on my arm stood on end. Rick looked at the receiver like it was going to eat him alive. I remember him thinking that Lori was on the other end of a phone weeks after she’d died.

I put a hand on his knee to remind him I’s right there. He slowly put the pink plastic receiver to his ear. “Who is it?” Rick asked.

“Daddy it’s me!” Judith said.

I could literally see the tension in Rick’s shoulders drop. 

“Me who?” he teased.

“Judy, Daddy!”

“I don’t know any Judy’s,” Rick said as he grinned at her. She started to giggle.

“I’m right here!” she shouted.

Rick put a hand over the receiver. “Not now, Jude. I’m on the phone.”

Judith fell into Rick with a fit of the giggles as he tickled her and pretended to bite her fingers.

“Day’l!” she squealed. “Save me!”

“I only save people on Tuesdays and Thursdays kiddo. You’re on your own.” 

That had Rick cracking up. Goddamn did he have a smile. When it was a real honest-to-god smile, it lit up a room. It would reach his eyes and you could see where age crinkled in the corners of them. For some reason I loved those crinkles. They reminded me of how long I've known him, how long I've loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your comments! Thanks so much to everyone who is reading and those who are commenting. Always good to know that your work is being enjoyed!! :-D


	5. Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- "Stuff and Thangs" dead ahead!!!
> 
> Thanks as always to lotr58!

By the time we all turned in, Carl had decided to take first watch on the tower. Tara would go up to relieve him mid-way. That left me and Rick with a night off. I was lying in my bunk for about five minutes before Rick came tip-toeing in wearing nothing but boxers and a tee.

“Can’t sleep,” he said.

I sat up and nodded at the spot on the bed next to me. He sat down so we was shoulder to shoulder. I wondered if he wanted to kiss me again. Wondered if I should always wait for him or if I should be initiating the physical stuff now.

Rick laughed to himself as he stared at the concrete wall across from us.

“What?” I asked.

“I was just remembering when we first got to Alexandria and you shot that opossum by the trash cans. They opened the doors to let us in and you said “I brought dinner”. He snickered again and I joined him. 

“Then you proceeded to gut it on the clean white porch of a suburban house. God, you hated that place at first, Rick said, leaning his head back against the wall. 

“Hated this place at first, too,” I said. “But it broke my heart when it all fell apart.”

“Yeah,” Rick said with a heavy sigh. “That was one of my moments.”

“What moments?”

“The kind that you revisit a thousand times in your dreams, and sometimes when you’re awake. Moments you wish you could get a do-over on. Regret. I should have just shot the fucker. I saw Tara, she didn’t want to be there. How many others were just following his lies? If I took him out maybe that whole thing would have been over in a heartbeat. I’m the one that let this place fall.”

“Ain’t on you,” Daryl said. “You was trying to be a human being, not an animal. You never was good at fighting like an animal, like the wolves or Negan’s group. It’s harder to survive when you still have morality and a glimmer of hope for a better future. ‘Sides, all of us had the chance to shoot him and didn’t.”

We stayed quiet a while, a thing between us that was always comfortable. “I have those moments too,” I said.

“You work on pure instinct and your gut is never wrong. Name one. Name one regret.”

I bit at my lip before I spoke, my voice low and rough. “Punching Negan. Getting Glenn killed. Taking my eyes off Beth when them hospital people come for her. Not getting back to Merle in enough time to save him…” I had more, but I think he got the gist.

“Yeah,” he said. “Guess you do understand wanting those do-overs.”

I thought about our conversation. I didn’t want no more of those regrets, those _moments_. I didn’t want to miss chances and there I was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Rick. On a bed. With everyone else asleep downstairs.

“I ain’t sure how this thing is supposed to work,” I said, looking Rick right in the eyes to help express how lost I was when it came to love.

“You mean you and me?”

I nodded, biting a nail.

“Follow your gut,” he said. “Don’t miss chances you’ll regret.”

I shifted on the bed so I was facing him and I put a timid hand on his thigh as I leaned in to press my lips to his. He responded immediately, hands all over me as he moved up on his knees and held me as he rolled me back on the bed. His body was on top of mine as we kissed, his legs straddling mine, his hips rocking back and forth against my own. His hands were under my shirt, trying to get me out of it, and even though I don’t usually do nothing with a shirt off, I let him lift it over my head. Then I helped him out of his shirt.

When he came back against me, lips swollen from kissing but still wanting more, our bare chests touched. It was like the spark when you’re trying to hotwire a car. His skin felt so warm and comforting against my own. My body trembled with excitement. I never knew this feeling, flesh against flesh, hands desperate to feel more.

I rolled him over so that I was the one on top, and the moan he made at that move could have woken the entire state of Georgia. I froze, listening for footsteps or shouts from the lower cells, but I heard nothing. Just Tara’s snoring, as usual.

“Sorry,” Rick said. “But the way you took charge like that and rolled me over nearly gave me an orgasm.”

I giggled. I know, Dixon’s don’t giggle. I’ve never giggled in all my 47 years of life. But Rick Grimes was so goddamn cute, I couldn’t help myself. 

“Just that?” I asked.

“I guess I like you in the lead sometimes,” he said in a weird tone of voice that I could only assume was flirtatious. I ain’t never been flirted with before so I couldn’t be sure. But I heard him loud and clear, I could make him tingle just by having my way with him.

I leaned down to rain kisses against his plump lips, biting at the bottom one and tugging a bit. Rick whimpered quietly. He did seem to have a thing for me pulling the strings. So I scooted down on the bed and tugged off his boxers as I went, watching his chest go up and down, gasping for breath, his eyes squeezed shut.

“You embarrassed?” I asked him softly as I ran my fingers up and down his already hard length.

“No,” he said shaking his head, eyes still screwed tightly shut. “I’m just afraid if I open my eyes I’ll wake up. This is like every wet dream I’ve had since we got to the prison the first time.”

“Oh yeah?” I teased, becoming more confident in what I could do to him. “I could do more.”

“Fuck. Yes,” he whispered as he spread his legs apart and wrapped them around my back.

He wanted it. He wanted _IT_. Christ, I didn’t know how to do _IT_. But the way he writhed around on the bed, hands on the button and zipper of my jeans, I knew I was gonna have to just figure it the fuck out.

I tried to gracefully wiggle out of my jeans without breaking from kissing his neck and his shoulders, licking and sucking at each nipple. My feet kicked and clawed to get the rest of the pants off me and then we’s both there naked. Completely vulnerable to one another. And I liked the feeling of being vulnerable with Rick. It felt like it only made our natural bond even stronger. 

He reached under his pillow and shoved a bottle of lube and a condom at me. 

“Where the fuck did this come from?” I asked with a nervous laugh.

“Carl,” Rick said.

“Carl knows about this?” I whispered, my brows furrowed in deep concern.

“Yeah,” Rick sighed as he put a hand around my dick. “He figured it out in Alexandria.”

I let my eyelids drop at the feel of his hand on my length, tried to breathe steady and keep from hyperventilating with excitement. I wrapped my own fist around his as he stroked me and he shuddered again from the excitement of my bold moves. Finally, I picked up the lube and condom from where they lay on the bed. I tossed the condom aside. “Neither of us is getting knocked up. Better let Carl and Enid keep that.”

“Change conversation, change conversation,” Rick pleaded, eyes closed, his fingers still mapping their way around my dick and balls.

I leaned down close, my lips at his ear and whispered. “You want me to fuck you, Rick? Is that what you want?”

“Fuck,” he whined. “God, yes. Fuck me.”

“I never done this before,” I said, taking a moment to bite at one of his nipples and tug on it until his back arched and a low groan fell from his lips. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes, yes,” Rick said. He wrapped his hand over his own cock as I backed up to look at what I was gonna have to try to get my dick through. 

“Pull your knees back for me so I can see,” I said, not noticing how much of an order it sounded like until it was out of my mouth. 

Rick was already in ecstasy. He looked so _mine_ with his legs pulled back and his ass on display. I licked my thumb and rubbed circles over his clenched hole. 

There was a constant murmur from him, “fuckfuckfuckfuck,” It was perfectly timed like the ticking of a clock. I added some lube to two fingers to make sure that thing was gonna be able to actually open enough for what I had.

“Breathe for me Rick,” I said. I slowly circled his hole again before I allowed my fingers be swallowed up by his entrance. 

“Jesus,” Rick said. 

“You gonna say another man’s name in bed? You’re mine, Rick,” I said, teasing. I knew full well he meant the Almighty and not the short, long-haired ninja.

“Yours,” he moaned. 

“How’s it feel?” I asked as I moved my fingers around inside of him, tugging at the rim to make sure it was capable of expanding.

“Fuck me, Daryl. Please. I wanna feel you inside me, taking me, fucking me.”

Precum spilled over the tip of my own cock at Rick’s words. I squirted what was likely way too much lube on my dick and stroked myself so I was fully covered and then I pressed the tip to Rick’s readied entrance. 

“You tell me if it hurts, you hear me?” I said. He was already so delirious with want and excitement that I wasn’t even sure he was registering my words anymore. I was doing this to him. I was the one making him speechless, making him writhe and drool and shiver. I liked it. I liked to see this side of him. I pressed the tip of my cock to his entrance and slowly pushed in. I was slower than the closing of flower petals at night. Agonizingly slow. His ass gripped onto my cock like a drowning man to a life preserver. 

“Fuck, Rick. You’re so Goddamn tight,” I whispered, still not sure how all these words were finding their way out of my mouth. I had no idea I had so much...confidence.

“Tttt take me,” he said, his hands now on my ass trying to pull me in faster. Once I was completely sheathed inside him I felt the sparks again. Another attempt at hotwiring and the electricity traveled from my warm cock squeezed tight to my nipples to my ass to every goose pimple that was rising on my skin.

“How’s it feel?” I asked.

“Like...peaceful surrender. Like relief. Like belonging to you.” His eyes were open now, drinking me in. He had his hand wrapped around his cock, stroking himself and the sight of it was making me start to shudder with excitement. 

“I’m going to fuck you now, Rick,” I whispered, my voice husky and low. I moved, pulled nearly all the way out then slowly back in and I continued the movement as my eyes rolled to the back of my head. “Fuck you feel so good.” I had so much of him. Every piece of him was mine to play with and I became more eager and started fucking into him with abandon. 

My mind went blank, just one word playing over and over in my mind as I rutted into him- _Rick_. I felt tears spilling from my eyes as I fucked him, tears of sheer, absolute, uncomplicated love.

He moaned in pleasure beneath me, stroking himself and watching my face. And I felt it, the engine coming to life inside me, purring like a kitten after it sparked to life and I shivered and stiffened at my orgasm as my cock pumped out every drop. I watched Rick’s face, watched his hand as he pleasured himself and I stayed inside him as he arched off the bed, trying so hard not to scream in ecstasy, white ropes splashing onto his belly.

We stayed there, connected, as my dick started to soften inside him. We were both trying to find the rhythm of our breathing, both covered in sweat and drool and tears.

“Thank you,” I whispered. I didn’t know proper post-coital etiquette but thank you was always a good go-to.

“I have never felt this wrecked in my entire life,” Rick said in his post-orgasm daze. “You took me apart piece by piece, climbed inside and put me back together again.”

Rick was always better with words than I was. I’d have just said that was a great fuck. I didn’t know what to say so I stayed quiet like I always do and I let my dick slip out of him along with a stream of my cum. 

“I don’t ever want to move a muscle again. I just want to lie right here with you forever. You were so goddamn sexy, Daryl. That commanding voice, that low growl, God- you have the power to make me do any Goddamn thing you want.”

I smiled and kissed his lips again. Lying together forever was a dream, a fantasy. We needed to eat, hunt, feed the others, take turns at watch. But we _could_ lie like this for at least a few hours every night for the rest of the apocalypse. 

I pulled him close to me as I laid beside him, no concern over the sweat and cum. “Sleep with me every night in my bed.” I meant for it to come out as a question but I forgot to raise my voice at the end and it sounded more like a demand.

“I will,” Rick answered as we both fell into the deepest sleep either one of us had likely had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the conversation that ensued after lotr58 and myself started discussing the proper spelling of cum (or come). That topic always makes for an interesting chat!
> 
> Hope you liked all the thangs. Tomorrow we'll find out what happens when they wake up!


	6. Crying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert- lotr58 is amazing.

Waking up with Rick naked by my side was a new experience. It got me instantly hard and eager to kiss him awake, but sleep is rare in this world so I stayed still and just watched over him. His eyelids shifted with dreams and I wondered what he was seeing. Hopefully something good. He looked so vulnerable, asleep and naked. _Mine_. I toyed with the word in my mind. _Mine_. I don’t know that I ever had anything that was truly mine before ‘cept maybe my crossbow.

The sun was already peeking into E-block and I heard the murmur of voices below us. As I was looking at his face, memorizing every line and cut and wrinkle, he opened his eyes and smiled instantly. 

“Oh thank God. It wasn’t a dream,” he said as he sat up and kissed me. He looked happier than I’d seen him in forever.

“I’ll go downstairs first so we don’t look suspicious or anything,” I said. He tugged my arm before I could stand and dress. “This still a thing, between you and me? You don’t have any regrets do you?”

I knew I was blushing, felt the burn of it on my cheeks. “Only regret we didn’t try that sooner,” I said as I pulled on my jeans and fought my way into a clean shirt.

When I got downstairs, something was wrong. Was someone missing? I looked around and counted – Maggie, Tara, Judith, Carl, Enid. All accounted for. Something was still off. 

“Everyone sleep good?” Rick asked in a voice that was way too upbeat for someone trying to lay low ‘bout how _he_ slept.

“Yeah, right,” Tara groaned, rolling her eyes as she bit off half a granola bar and handed me the rest.

“Yeah, Dad. We all slept fantastic,” Carl added. But his voice was doing that sarcastic smart-ass teen thing.

“Does anyone want to ask me?” Maggie asked. “Because I was up all night explaining to Judith here that the sounds she heard upstairs weren’t moaning ghosts, it was a radio that Daddy must have left on...forgetting that the rest of us SLEEP RIGHT BELOW THEM.” she said with a fake smile.

“Daddy, I wan’ moosic!”

I started tip-toeing backwards hoping to flee out the door to go hunting before anyone noticed me.

“It was actually, ummm. There were squirrels up there making all kinds of noise. I heard it too,” Rick answered, looking to me as I continued my slow footsteps backwards.

“Well, maybe you should tell your squirrels to take it to tower four next time?” Enid politely suggested as Judith tugged at the other girl’s fingers. 

“Le’s go hunt them squi’ls,” Judith said.

Tara knelt down by Judy. “Judith, honey. When a man meets another man and they fall in…”

“Enough,” I yelled, immediately regretting drawing attention to myself. I squatted behind Judith and put my hands over her ears. “Everyone in this damn room has had sex during the apocalypse. Every one of you.” I glared over at Carl as he was trying to object. “Don’t even try Carl.” I looked back to the group. “So let’s not make a big goddamn deal that I got laid okay? And I don’t want to hear a word about the fact that it’s Rick because Tara was a lesbian and it was fine. And you,” I pointed to Maggie, “were umm...like in an interracial marriage. So…no judging!”

Figures. First time I ever open my mouth and just let shit spill and it was the most hurtful stuff I could have said. Denise was dead. Glenn was dead. And here I was getting my rocks off while they’re still mourning their losses and I’m rubbing those losses in their faces at that. Both of them tried to control their expressions. They tried not to react, tried to be strong. They are strong. Frankly, I been getting worried that Mags might be able to kick my ass since I been getting older...and she’s four months pregnant!

“I’m sorry,” I said with sincerity. “That was the shittiest shit I could have ever said. Fuck.” I felt Rick come up behind me and took hold of my hand. 

“It’s okay, Daryl. You’re defenses were up and we know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” Rick said.

“Maggie, Tara...I’m so goddamn sorry. I felt tears overflowing and Dixons don’t goddamn cry. Especially not with an audience. 

“Day’l? You sad?” Judith asked as she gave my leg a hug, trying to make it all better.

“It’s okay, Daryl,” I know this was awkward for you,” Maggie said. 

“Yeah, we know you weren’t thinking straight,” Tara said, then added “I mean obviously not straight, right?” and she attempted to laugh.

“It ain’t okay,” I said, a tear rolling down my cheek and my voice trembling with guilt and sadness. “I took them both. Glenn. If it weren’t for my “defenses being up” he’d still be alive. Denise. That arrow was meant for me. I’m the one let Dwight get away. I’m the one let him steal my crossbow. I’m so sorry,” I said, full on sobbing.

Rick pulled me into a hug. “Daryl, I think you just have a lot of emotions going on right now. You haven’t killed anyone that didn’t deserve it.”

I couldn’t believe I was standing there in front of the women and the kids bawling like a five-year-old with a scraped knee.

Maggie rested a hand on my shoulder, her voice gentler now. “Daryl, I never, not once, not ever blamed you for Glenn. Negan took him from me. Negan, not you.”

Tara stepped closer too. “You tried to save Denise, Daryl. Rosita said that after it all happened you were giving her CPR to try to start her heart again until Abe had to physically pull you off. You brought her body home and you buried her.

“We’re glad you’re finally...you know...listening to the radio upstairs with Rick,” Maggie said. “We’re happy for you.”

I wiped my sleeve across my nose and tried to wipe my tears away with the palms of my hands. “Sorry for losing it. Guess I’m just...overwhelmed.”

“Daryl? It’s okay to be emotional,” Enid said. “This place is filled with memories for you guys and you’re probably reliving everything from the first day you found this place until now. It’s okay to cry. Carl cried last night.”

Carl gasped. “Enid! I thought that was an understood thing that you wouldn’t tell anyone about that.”

“Crying is nothing to be ashamed of. A lot has happened. To all of us. We’re surrounded by ghosts. We have to fight our fear, fight the walkers, fight the world. We don’t need to fight with each other. None of us,” she said as she looked back up to me.

Of course Carl had reason to cry, I thought. The prison was basically his boot camp for the apocalypse. 

“I’m gonna take a walk,” I said quietly and turned, leaving the building. 

Rick followed behind me as I crossed the yard with my crossbow over my shoulder. 

“Daryl? Are you mad at me?” Rick said.

I turned around and met his eyes. “Why would I be mad?” I asked

“I...I was the one that made most of the noise. I was the one that started...you know...what we did.”

I walked back to him and kissed him, one hand gentle on his bicep and one cupping his hip. “I ain’t mad at you. Ain’t never gonna be. I want you to want me like that.”

“I hope I didn’t overwhelm you with too much too fast,” Rick said.

I shook my head. “You didn’t, I just…I haven’t done that before.”

“Neither have I,” Rick laughed. 

“You have, Rick,” I said as I rolled my eyes. You were married. You had kids.”

“Oh,” Rick said cocking his head. “You mean you never...anyone?”

“Who would want a Dixon. I ain’t no prize. Certainly wasn’t one before the turn.”

“I want a Dixon,” he said as he rubbed a thumb over my cheek. 

I swallowed hard, willing my body not to respond to his words. “I’m gonna go hunt for a little while. That okay?” I asked. I didn’t know how this shit worked. I mean, did we have to check with each other before we went somewhere? Did we need to ask permission for things? 

“Of course, Daryl. Yeah. I bet it will calm your nerves. Make you feel better,” Rick said with a small smile on his face.

I gave him a terse nod, barely meeting his eyes through my overgrown hair. 

“Thanks.”  
\--------------------------

I got a string of squirrels – five or six. And Rick was right, being alone in the woods, hunting, providing, focusing on a task at hand, it all made me feel like myself again. I walked over a ridge and saw the prison in the distance. I’d been there before, in that exact spot. Me and Rick. It was the first day we laid eyes on the prison, overrun with walkers. Rick had talked non-stop as we walked back to the group that day. He was so excited. He knew this would be home.

I’d had my doubts, but I followed Rick’s lead as we ran through the fence, killing walkers and clearing the yard. I remember it like it was yesterday. As I stood there reminiscing, I saw Rick walking down to the gate. I loved the way his bow legs moved when he walked, the way his hips swayed and I flashed back to being over him, inside of him, those legs wrapped around me. _Mine_ , I smiled. 

He put his fingers through the fence and leaned into it, probably worrying and waiting on me. I had enough to feed everyone for the night, so I started walking back down to the prison. By the time I got back, everyone seemed to have forgotten my episode. Maggie was trying to get me to taste a spoonful of oatmeal with pickles in it. Tara had her orange sunglasses up on her head as she was teaching Judy one of them games where you clap hands together and sing some song. Rick was sitting on the stairs and he stood, wrapping his arms around me before I could even drop the squirrels. “Got six,” I said to whoever was listening. 

“I’ll get a fire going,” Carl said.

“You wanna learn to gut ‘em?” I asked.

“Um. I’m gonna be honest, Daryl. No. I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s disgusting and I want to be able to eat it without have gut flashbacks,” Carl said smiling.

“I’ll help,” Enid said eagerly.

“Deal,” I said.

The next few days were kinda like the old prison days but with a lot less people and a lot more sex. Rick and I did as requested and took it to tower four and we went to tower four every single night. And a few afternoons. I ain’t seen Rick walking around with a smile like that since the original days of the prison when his garden was coming in.

The prison was a shelter for us, both the first time and now. But it wasn’t quite as practical. We didn’t have a kitchen anymore. The fence wasn’t unbeatable by any means. A big enough horde comes and we’re fucked. We didn’t have a place to set up a makeshift shower and the creek outside the gate had gone dry, so our water source was gone. 

It was nice for the week we’d spent there so far, but it wasn’t ideal. And I knew it was going to hurt Rick to leave. I think he always saw the prison as the place he was happiest. I’d just have to let him know that I’d make him happy anywhere’s we had to go.

That night we shared a few cans of soup for dinner and sat around a fire in the yard, close enough to the prison door that we could get in if any walkers surprised us.

“We’re low on drinkin’ water,” I said with my mouth full of chicken noodle.

“There’s a water source a few miles off,” Rick said. Can take the truck out and…”

“Dad? How long we staying here?” Carl asked as if he was reading my mind.

Rick shrugged. “I mean, it’s shelter. We’ve been safe the past few days. Maybe…”

“Rick, we can’t stay here,” Maggie interrupted. The water’s too far, the fences aren’t gonna be able to hold anything back with the shape they’re in and the prison walls themselves aren’t impenetrable with all the damage from the tank and the fire.”

Rick looked to me, like he always does, and I nodded wordlessly.

He sighed, disappointed, and I put a hand on his knee. “Know how you feel about this place, Rick. It’s like coming home, but it ain’t the same Shangri La it used to be.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You’re all right. We should move out in the morning and check out your farm,” he finally conceded, waving a hand in Maggie’s direction.

I knocked Rick’s shoulder with mine. “Come on, we got good memories there, too. Remember when I got shot?”

“That’s not a good memory,” Rick said.

“Well, I mean...I didn’t die, right?”

“Dad, it’s a good play. It could really be sustainable. And it’s not that far away to check out.”

Rick nodded. “Yeah. That’ll be the plan then. Move out at first light?”

Everyone agreed. That evening Rick and I took “watch” which really didn’t have anything to do with actually watchin’ no more. 

He lay naked underneath me as I sucked a bruise into his neck. His leg was wrapped around one of mine and he moaned freely. Rick is a loud lover. I should’ve seen that coming since he’s also a loud walker, stomping through the woods still to this day like there ain’t nothing to be hiding from. Was cute though, the way he could never figure out how to take soft steps. And it was sexy as hell to hear him losing himself to my touches, my tongue, words I’d whisper against his ear. 

Talking ain’t usually my thing, but Rick gets off on it like you wouldn’t believe, so’s now I been trying to talk more. Just things that pop into my head.

“You gonna spread your legs for me, baby?” I whispered, and Rick groaned out a “fffffuck.”

“Let me take you?” I asked as I nibbled at his ear.

“Yesss,” Rick whined.

Rick wanting me like he did was the best high I’d ever had. He was my new drug, my new addiction. I couldn’t get enough of him.

“Nah,” I teased. “I ain’t ready yet.” I slid down his body and latched onto one of his nipples sucking brutally hard like he likes it. His hands are gripping into the blanket we’d brought up. I love to discover the things that drive Rick wild. He liked his neck kissed. He liked his nipples tugged on or sucked. He liked my hands in his hair. He liked when I bit and tugged at his bottom lip.

Me? I loved it all. The warmth of his body, the taste of his sweat, the sound of his growls and moans, his hands mapping over my body, along my shoulders, my collarbone, my hips.

“Please, Daryl. Please, fuck me.”

“You like to beg don’t you?” I asked in a whisper. 

“I just know how to get what I want,” he said in that gruff voice that rumbles against my neck as I’m kissing him. He rolls over so I’m on the bottom and slides down my body and then makes very purposeful eye contact as he licks a line from my balls to the tip of my dick. It makes my stomach feel like I’m on a roller coaster sometimes when we’re giving and taking. All the anticipation and excitement, the exhilaration. 

He kept them bright blue eyes on me as he swallowed my cock clear down to the base and just like he knew he would, he had me moaning, clenching my fingers into his long curls. The tickle of his beard against my thighs drove me wild. God, I wanted him. Everything else in the world disappeared when we were together like this. All the bad, all the sadness, all the death, all the hopelessness. When our bodies were twisted together and grinding and rutting and touching, it was just me and Rick. Nothing else in the whole wide world. Every time he looked in my eyes he gave a little more of himself to me. No one but Rick could make me feel this confidently loved. And it was love. We hadn’t said it directly yet. And I ain’t never been in love so I’m no expert. But I think it’s one of those things you just know. A certain levity in your heart. A shiver down your spine just from a shared glance. The fact that he’s the last thing I’m thinking of as I go to bed and the first thing I think of when I wake. 

I pulled him up to me by his shoulders and kissed him, all tongues and lips and moans. I brushed his hair back and whispered softly. “Get on your hands and knees for me, Rick.”

He did just what I asked and I sat back on my heels and admired the way he arched his back and exposed himself so easily. “Please,” he whined as I sat there dazed at the gorgeous view of him. “I’m so empty without you inside me, Daryl. Please fill me, fuck me.”

Not gonna lie, his words got me just as hot as mine got him. I lubed my cock and pushed right into him since I’d already been fondling his hole earlier. I tried to go slow but he backed into me, grinding my cock into him. 

“You want it so bad,” I said. I was starting to get that dreamlike feeling. Floating. Like my body was moving itself. I rounded myself over his back and growled. “Take it then.”

And before I knew it, he was the one moving, rutting back into my cock over and over again, grunting each time his ass backed right up to my pelvis. I held his hips lightly, letting him drive this time. His hands were gripping the blanket as he fucked himself back onto me. Suddenly he stopped. I saw his shoulders tense and his body shiver. “You okay?” I asked as I rubbed his back.

He was practically sobbing when I pulled out of him and I knelt down on the floor to look up at him. He was still shaking and there was a string of cum leaking from the tip of his dick to a puddle below it. His hands were still tightly gripped the blanket. 

“How did you do that?” I asked. “You can do that? Just from my cock in your ass?” I was fascinated at the power of sex. 

“I guess so,” he said as he shivered. I wrapped him up in my arms, his back against my chest. 

“That was fucking hot,” I said.

He turned back. “You didn’t get off yet.”

“I don’t have to every time,” I said. He was in such bliss I didn’t want to pull him out of it for my own selfish reasons.

He pulled away from me and laid on his back, tugging me over to straddle him. “Let me watch you jack off. And you can rub it into my chest so I’ll feel you on me when we leave here tomorrow.”

It didn’t take more than about four or five pulls before I was draining myself over his chest, jets of hot cum criss-crossing his body. I slid my hand into the mess and rubbed it into his chest hair and his nipples until it was dry and sticky. 

And then we both fell asleep until Enid was bangnig on the door to take the next watch shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is still enjoying!


	7. Moving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, shout out to lotr58 for the beta! <3

When we were packed up in the two vehicles ready to say goodbye to the prison, Rick grabbed my hand. “New memories with this place now,” he said. I kissed his forehead. We don’t really bother hiding that kind of shit anymore. No one’s worried about it. ‘Cept for Judy cause she don’t like to be left out of hugs and kisses. She stood between us holding each of our hands.

“This was where you were born, lil’ girl,” Rick said to her. 

“I was?”

“Sure were, kiddo. I was the first one to feed you,” I said squeezing her hand.

“Was I in your belly or daddy’s,” she asked with complete sincerity.

It was not a question any of us had anticipated. There weren’t a lot of “normal” families for her to wonder what she might be missing. She knew Maggie had a baby in her belly. And that’s all she’d heard about babies.

Tara stifled a laugh and before Rick or I could figure out how to answer, Carl knelt down in front of his sister. 

“Judy, only girls can have babies.” 

She had her thinking face on as she tried to absorb that and make sense of how it related to her.

“Then where did I come from?” she asked. 

As Carl took her little hands in his, I reached for Rick’s and squeezed it so he knew I was there, by his side like I always was.

“Judy, you and I both came from our mom’s belly. She used to live here at the prison, but she died. You didn’t get to meet her, but she was a great mom and she loved you so much even before you were born.”

“Did she die cause of walka’s?” Judy asked.

Carl looked up at Rick, then at me. Thank God he knew better than to tell the kid it was from the c-section.

“Yes,” Carl and Maggie said at the same time. 

“Hey, guys,” Tara interrupted in an attempt to act like she wasn’t purposefully changing the subject. “I say we get going. I wanna see this farm that sounds so perfect!.”

“Me too,” Enid added. 

We all piled into the two vehicles we’d brought from Alexandria. For some reason, everyone got in the van and closed the doors with just me, Rick, and curious Judy left out. 

“Guess we’re taking the SUV,” Rick said. 

I had a feeling we were gonna be playing twenty questions with the lil’ asskicker for the next thirty miles. “Chickenshits,” I growled at them through the open window. 

Rick drove and Judy sat on my lap. Seatbelt laws were a lot less stringent in the apocalypse. I kept talking about what I remembered of the Greene farm to make sure Judy didn’t loop back to her mama. And it was then that I started to remember the kinds of things that happened on the farm. Shane - Rick had to kill his best friend. Maggie had to watch her mother stumble out of that barn a walker and get shot in the head, likely by me.

I knew then why Carol didn’t come with us. She couldn’t come back here. Not after Sophia.

“I wonder how Carol’s doing?” I asked out loud.

“Probably okay,” Rick answered. “If she went with Ezekiel, then she’s with Shiva, too.”

“Good point.”

“You miss her,” Rick said. He’d always known me better than anyone, even before the fucking and kissing, so it wasn’t a question. He knew I missed her.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be sad, Day’l! I’m here!”

“Oh, good!” I answered. “I feel better already. Thank you Miss Judy.”

“S’ok, Day’l. I like makin’ ya happy.”

Rick looked at me with a smile. “She’s every bit as much yours as she’s mine,” he said quietly.

The farm was gonna have just as many memories as the prison did. We weren’t there near as long, but some of the things that happened to us there were our first experiences with the horrible new world that was evolving around us. Losing Sophia. Rick killing Shane. Me killing Dale. Carl getting shot. Andrea shooting me. Trying to explain to a nice old man that his wife and all his other friends and neighbors weren’t never gonna be cured. The horde and the fire that made us all scatter. 

How many times had we scattered over the years and still come back together? I remembered pulling Carol onto my bike, watching the barn come falling down from the flames. We didn’t even talk about where to go or what to do. Me and Carol took cover in a cabin for the night. And the next morning I drove us straight to the site where we’d lost Sophia. And everyone was there. I specifically remember Rick looking relieved to see me and I had assumed it was because I’d brought Carol.

“Shane knew,” Rick said out of nowhere. 

“Knew what?” I asked looking down at Judy, asleep in my arms and snoring nearly as loudly as Tara usually did.

“He knew I was drawn to you. Not that I was…you know…wanting to get in your pants. Just, he felt like I was replacing him with you.”

“Really?” I asked. Shane and I never really got along all that well, but sometimes I’d side with him on things. I didn’t know he was watching me like that, like I might take his place.

“Did _you_ know then?” I asked.

“Knew there was something about you I trusted implicitly. Something I liked about you that I couldn’t put words to. God, when Andrea shot you...” he shook his head. “I was heartbroken. Scared to death you weren’t gonna make it. Knew already that I needed you by my side.”

“You believed in me,” I said. “That’s what I remember. You believed I could find that little girl. Ain’t never had no one believe in me before. I remember how excited you were when I found that damn doll. Wish I coulda found her.”

I still had an empty spot in my heart for that lil’ girl. Even after all this time and all the other deaths I’ve had to make room for. Sophia was the first one and it broke me. It still breaks me. As I looked out the window, stoking Judy’s fine, blond locks I saw the sign. _Greene Farm_ and I watched as the van turned into the dirt road ahead of us.

“We should cover this up. Get rid of the mailbox and sign. Replant some bushes or something. Make it so no one from the road would even realize there’s a drive here,” I said, already planning for a long stay before I’d even assessed the shape of the house. For all we knew the flames could have gotten to it and there’d be nothing left.

“There it is!” Rick exclaimed with an excited grin. “Still standing!”


	8. Finding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the one and only lotr58!

The Greene Farm was gonna work. That first week, me and Carl finished hiding the driveway from the road and Rick and Maggie got the wells going. We’d unloaded all our supplies and were thrilled to find that the house had been left so quickly, it still had a lot of food. Maggie even brought down an old battery-operated radio with a cassette player down to the kitchen and Carl picked out music from Mags’ cassette collection as we tried to clean some things up and settle in. It was the first time Judith had heard real music and the look of awe on her face when Cyndi Lauper started singing _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_ was precious and priceless.

The hunting had always been good around the farm and I hoped it still would be because this far into the apocalypse relying on canned food just weren’t realistic no more. I smiled at the thought of Rick starting a new garden, his farmer’s tan and his muscles glistening with sweat from the sun. Rick always seemed happiest with just the sky above his head and the garden at his feet. And I started to wonder if the farm was going to be our retirement plan. 

Rick and I took the master bedroom. There were enough rooms for everyone else to get one of their own, even Judith. Enid and Carl still pretended not to be sleeping together. It would have been like old times if it weren’t for all the missing faces.

Weeks passed by uneventfully, but we never took the peace for granted. Each day we had was a gift and I know that don’t sound like nothing a Dixon’d ever say in the old world. But things have changed. I’ve changed. 

I laid in bed with Rick’s head on my chest, waiting for him to wake. The sun was rising outside our window and I was happy.

“I’m just pretending to sleep,” Rick said out of nowhere, keeping his eyes closed but smiling.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” I asked, running a few fingers through his dark curls.

“Hoping you’d try to seduce me awake.”

I laughed and rolled over to kiss him. “Can you be quiet? You know Maggie’s already up. She always is.”

“Yeah, I can totally be quiet,” Rick said between kisses.

“I don’t think you can,” I teased.

We was already naked ‘cause we felt secure enough in our location, and we had one person on watch each night to allow ourselves that luxury. It was helpful for times like this when neither one of us was in the mood to fool with clothing. “Spread your legs out for me,” I whispered and he moaned.

“See! You can’t even be quiet now! How are you gonna be quiet while I’m drilling you into the mattress?” I asked in my low, rough voice.

“If you think you’re gonna talk about drilling me into the mattress without actually drilling me into the mattress, you’re nuts.”

Rick spread his legs and I leaned back to part his cheeks. We’d had sex twice the night before and he was clearly still ready for me. I reached for the lube on the nightstand and slicked myself up, sliding into him effortlessly. 

“Fuck me hard, Daryl,” he whispered. Well, it was what _he_ called whispering. I called it just plain talking. But feeling his warmth squeezing tight around my cock left me incapable of scolding him. I grabbed his wrists with one hand and held them over his head as he wrapped his legs around me and I fucked him with abandon, just the way I knew he wanted it.

When he started groaning loud enough to draw the dead, I put my other hand over his mouth and kept hammering at him.

The way his body was moving against mine told me that he was in heaven. It didn’t take long for me to come...quietly.

When I pulled out, Rick climbed over me and focused on capturing my lips again, he ground his dick against my thigh, gasping into my mouth until I felt the flood of warmth dripping down both sides of my leg from his own orgasm.

Once he rolled back and stared at the ceiling, sated and content, I kissed him on the forehead and got up. “Good morning,” I teased.

“Yeah, it was,” Rick said as he followed my lead and started to dress for the day.

We had a daily routine by that point. Rick was starting to get the dirt ready for planting. I’d go hunting. Carl and Tara were working on a way to set up a better make-shift shower. Maggie spent a lot of time reading to Judith and listening to her old cassettes while Judith danced to the music and tried to learn the words. Maggie’s belly was starting to show and I think she was getting nervous about whether she’d be a good mom. She had nothing to worry about.

Rick was in the field leaning on a rake and looking out at the horizon, so I walked up to let him know I was going hunting. Didn’t used to have to tell no one where I’s going. I’m a grown ass man. But one of the first days back at the farm he near had a heart attack cause I went out for a quick hunt before everyone woke and he couldn’t find me. Learned quick that this kind of thing we had meant telling each other where we was. I didn’t mind it. 

“Whatcha staring at?” I asked as I got closer. He looked back at me with one of those looks on his face like the past was playing in his mind like a movie.

“Just thinking,” he said, not really meeting my eyes.

“Bout what, darlin?” I asked softly as I rubbed his back. I didn’t like him thinking things I didn’t know about. Getting to have his thoughts was just as intimate as getting to have his body.

He sighed and finally faced me. “Think I’m going to go out there today. Find Shane’s remains and bury him proper.”

Rick and Shane’s relationship was like a damn soap opera. I’m sure there was as much hate involved as there was love. I couldn’t even makes sense of it so I know he sure as hell couldn’t. 

“Think it’d help...get past things?”

He nodded. “I guess. It’s just something I need to do.”

“I’d like to come with you,” I said, wanting to be there if he fell apart. I had learned quickly that the easiest way to pull Rick back from a breakdown was just to have my arms around him, holding him tight.

“I want you to come,” he said.

We grabbed a couple shovels and headed out to the far field behind the woods. I followed him. Normally Rick couldn’t find a tree if it was ten feet in front of him, but he seemed to know exactly which way to go, as if that night in the dark was etched in his brain permanently. 

When we came to the body that had to be Shane’s, we both stood silently for a bit. We was probably having the same thoughts, that dark night, running through the woods, me seeing that you could turn without being bitten, Rick facing Shane’s betrayal. Then the flames, the walkers, the confusion. 

We started to dig the grave wordlessly, both hot and sweaty from the Georgia sun. After we lowered what was left of Shane, we filled in the grave. I wondered how many graves I helped dig since it all started. I probably wouldn’t even be able to count. There was Sophia’s, Dale’s, a couple people I barely remember from the Quarry. Beth’s. Merle’s. Denise’s. Hershel’s and now Shane’s. All the graves during the war in Alexandria. Hell, it had to be up to forty or fifty by now. I always thought I kept my biceps strong from the crossbow, but maybe it was just from all the digging.

Rick knelt on one knee beside the mound of fresh dirt and rested a hand on it to say his goodbye. I stood behind him. 

“Things were fucked up,” Rick said softly to the grave plot. “The world was going to shit and…I think things just got too messy for you, too hard. You weren’t thinking right, Shane. You couldn’t have been.”

He paused for a while but didn’t move a muscle.

“You have a little girl. Her name’s Judith, and Lori died giving birth to her. Don’t worry, I’m taking good care of her. She’s Daryl’s and mine now. I’m not gonna ever tell her about you because it’s too fucked up of a story. But you kept Carl and Lori safe when you thought I was gone. So I’m gonna keep Judith safe. I love her like she’s mine and really...she _is_ mine now. You know, If none of this had happened between us, I don’t think you would have made it much further. Hell, I barely did. Lost my mind a few times over the years. Just know Shane, you got spared a lot of heartache and sadness.”

Rick looked up at me after he was done and I grabbed his hand to help him up. “You really think she ain’t yours?” I asked. The way I’d figured it was a 50/50 chance. Weren’t no real way of telling. No one was keeping track of the weeks and months.

“She’s mine now either way,” Rick said. “And yours.”

\-----------------------------

We hadn’t seen a single walker in the weeks we’d been at the farm. Mags and Carl made a couple good runs to other nearby homes and stores. Hunting was good and Rick had some of his garden planted. Tomatoes, Green Peppers, Potatoes. Between the group of us, we really had all we needed to survive. 

Maggie’s horse came back. Not Nellie, that little shit that threw me, but the one that ran like the wind to find Lori after Carl got shot. 

I was brushing her out. We planned to have Carl and Enid take her out searching for more horses or livestock in the area. Cars was gonna get harder and harder to start after all this time and gas was becoming more and more difficult to find. Lightening might end up being our only source of transport.

“You’re a pretty one, ain’t ya?” I said as I fed her an apple from a tree Tara had found.

“I knew you just said that to everyone,” Rick said as he walked into the barn.

“Don’t worry, Rick I think you’re the prettiest,” I said, giving him a quick kiss. We done that now anytime we was apart and came back together. 

“You know we got things running so smooth I’m almost bored,” Rick said. “Haven’t seen a walker or another human in over a month.”

“Ain’t that the way we want it?” I asked as I led Lightning out of the barn. “Gonna take her out and stretch her legs a bit. Wanna come?” 

“Riding off into the sunset? Hell yeah, I’ll come,” he said. We both got settled on the horse and I led her down a trail I’d taken hunting several times. Had my crossbow with me in case I seen anything we could make a meal out of.

We got to a spot on the road where cars had been sitting for probably five years now and Lightening walked slowly past the one that still had stained words on the windshield – _Sophia Stay Here We Will Come Every Day _.__

__“Seems like so damn long ago,” Rick sighed behind me as he squeezed his arms tighter around my waist._ _

__“Funny how little we knew then,” I said. “How much worse shit was going to get.”_ _

__Rick kept his arms tight around me and rested his head on my shoulder. I loved feeling him just relax into me like that, so I took Lightening out a little further until we came up on another familiar landmark._ _

__“Is this the Quarry?” Rick asked as he looked around. “Is this our Quarry?”_ _

__“Yup,” I said. “Let’s get off and let the old girl get some water and take a break.”_ _

__Rick and I sat at the edge of the quarry, still always expecting to see walkers. But like the past month or so, none appeared._ _

__“I remember meeting you right up there,” Rick pointed._ _

__“I ‘member throwing a string of squirrels at ya,” I laughed ‘Member bein’ pissed to all hell ‘bout Merle.”_ _

__“I saw you come out of those woods with a chip already on your shoulder. But your disappointment over that deer – it was because you wanted to provide for the group, for my son. I watched you shouting and cursing, trying not to cry after I told you what happened. Broke my heart to be honest. Some redneck that was strong and hard but he had the capacity to cry.”_ _

__“Made me look like a pussy,” I muttered._ _

__“Made you look like a man with a heart,” Rick said._ _

__I sighed at the thought of those memories. First seeing Rick, all fresh-faced and do-gooding. “You said you’d go back. Just found your kid, your wife and you said you’d go back with me. You couldn’t leave a man to die like that, even a man like Merle. And I decided I didn’t want to be like Merle no more. I wanted to be like you. Started watching you, learning how to be one of the good guys.”_ _

__Rick smiled at me as he tossed a pebble into the quarry. “Merle was good,” Rick said. And then both of us added “deep down,” at the same time._ _

__“I love you,” Rick said as he grabbed my hand in his._ _

__“I love you, too.”_ _

__We let the sun move over us for a couple hours in silence. Coming home to all these familiar places, all these memories? It was like being reborn. The future I seen for us back then ain’t the same future I see now._ _

__We eventually got off our lazy asses and rode Lightening back to the farm, taking our time. That was a new luxury for us now, being able to take our time for things._ _

__“You think it’s a little weird that we ain’t seen no walkers?” I asked. It was a question I’d had in the back of my head since we got to the farm. And even though there were a handful at the prison, it wasn’t anything like what we were used to seeing up in Virginia._ _

__“Yeah. Maybe they're all dying out,” he said. “Maybe just turning to dust.”_ _

__“Maybe some of the connections we have up there with JC these days is payin’ off,” I said. Not that I believed in heaven or hell, Jesus or angels, but shit, the dead were walking. So that had to make about anything possible._ _

__Carl was standing out in the yard when we returned like he was waiting on us and he walked up to the horse with a puzzled expression before we’d even gotten to the barn. “Dad? The radio’s on.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What!?! The radio is on? Who's got a radio station running? And why? And who in the group even thought to try turning on the radio in the first place? What's happening?!!? 
> 
> Stay tuned! Next chap is up tomorrow!
> 
> Ps- Thank you all for the wonderful comments recently! I always appreciate hearing from all of you!


	9. Listening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shout out to lotr58.
> 
> And a little good news- I accidentally labeled two chapters as "Chapter Nine" so basically this 10 chapter fic just became 11 chapters!
> 
> And a little bad news- This is a short chapter.

By the time we got in the house, everyone was hovering around Maggie’s old radio in the living room. 

“Who even thought to turn it on?” I asked ‘fore I even tried to listen.

“Judith,” Tara whispered. “She was just playing with the buttons and dials.”

Maggie shushed us as we sat down and Rick picked up Judith and sat her in his lap.

“This is WUSA, the first live radio station in the country. If you’re within listening distance, congratulations. My name is Guillermo, but you can call me G, and I’m with a group of survivors outside of Atlanta, Georgia. We’re trying to spread news a few hours a day on this channel. The latest reports we’re getting in from our scouts seem to confirm the trend that the walkers appear to be migrating north. Southern cities like Ft. Lauderdale and Miami have already started rebuilding. We have no reports of marauders today. But we do have a new group of arrivals that warns of a community in Virginia. If you hear the name Negan, do not engage with the group. They are considered dangerous.”

“Holy shit!” Rick shouted with a wide smile. “Is that _our_ Guillermo!? From the old age home back in Atlanta early on?”

“As we like to do when a new group arrives, we’ll take a few minutes to hear about their journey. So without further ado, here’s someone who’s come back to Georgia from the north. Turns out we’d known some of the same people back at the beginning. Here’s Carol Peletier.”

“Oh my God,” I said, feeling like I was gonna wake from a dream any moment.

“Is this on? Do I just talk?” the female voice on the radio asked. 

“That’s her!” I said, looking at the rest of the group to see them all smiling ear to ear. 

“Well, I guess I just wanted to say that we also confirm that there is an abundance of walkers up north and as we traveled down here they almost seem to have disappeared. We were part of a group in Virginia that had to split up. Long story. But I have reason to believe some of the others may have come back to Georgia. My message to them? Don’t come find the radio station. Let us check the place out for a while. Just listen to this station every day between…” I could hear her whispering to Guillermo, but couldn’t make out the words. “Every day between 3 and 4 pm.” she finished. 

“And that brings us to four,” G said. “We’ll be broadcasting live again tomorrow, trying to reach out to survivors with news. This is WUSA signing off for now. The loop of this broadcast will continue to play until tomorrow’s 3 pm broadcast.”

The station went fuzzy and then started again. “This is WUSA…”

We all sat there looking completely stunned. 

“I have to go potty,” Judith said, breaking up the trance we were all in. I stood to take her, pinching myself the whole way down the hall.

Rick was following me, I could feel him walking behind me. As Judith sat on her potty, Rick leaned in to me in that way he had of talking strategy. 

“I can’t believe it,” he whispered.

“Daddy, if this is something ‘not for my ears’ I can totally hear your whisper,” Judith announced.

“You concentrate on peeing, young lady,” Rick teased. We stood quietly and she did a good job. Truth be told, she could probably use the normal toilet now, but she felt special having her own potty. After she washed her hands and ran back down stairs, Rick looked back to me.

“Guillermo!” he said simply.

I laughed and shook my head. “From janitor to doctor to radio DJ to one of the leaders of rebuilding the world.”

“What do you think about this theory on the walkers migrating?” he asked.

I shook my head as I answered. “Seems like what we experienced. Maybe they don’t like the heat. You know, like them old blue-haired snowbirds that moved back and forth from Florida every year.”

Rick laughed. I loved being able to do that for him, bring a smile to his face.

“Should we just wait on Carol’s sign?” he asked.

“I’d say yeah. She’d kick our asses if we didn’t listen to her. We’ll just listen everyday at 3. Keep on top of things and just keep going here. It’s working for us here.”

Rick leaned in to kiss me soft and gentle. “Sounds good to me. I like how things are working here.”


	10. Arriving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by lotr58!!

Three months after we heard the first radio transmission, Carol still hadn't given us the go-ahead to trust the Atlanta group. And that was really unfortunate, because Maggie was literally in labor on the living room floor. 

“Get the water and the towels like we talked about,” Rick said, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. Carl was keeping Judith occupied outside so she wouldn’t be frightened by the screaming we was highly anticipating. 

I brought back the towels and water and handed them to Enid, who was next to Rick at Maggie’s feet. Both of them had been present for births before, Rick with Carl, and Enid with an aunt. So that pretty much made them our resident obstetricians. 

Maggie groaned loudly and gritted her teeth. “Another one,” she cried out and I held her hand as she squeezed it so hard I was certain I was going to have broken bones. 

“You’re doing great, Maggie,” Rick said.

“Don’t forget the breathing,” Enid reminded her as she was looking through a worn, highlighted and bookmarked copy of _The Essential Guide to Giving Birth at Home_.

Maggie started with the breathing exercises as I looked over to Tara, who had Maggie’s other hand. “My hand hurts!” she mouthed at me so no one else could hear us complaining about something so minor.

“I see the head,” Rick said. He looked up at me then to Maggie. “This is good. It’s not breach or anything. This is good news.” It was more like he was giving himself the good news and trying to calm his own nerves instead of trying to calm Maggie.

“Can you give me a push?” Rick asked, and Tara and I squeezed our eyes shut, anticipating the crushing pain to our hands. Hell, I couldn’t imagine Mags’ pain and I know pain. 

She pushed as Enid kept praising her with “good job’s” and “that’s it’s”.

I grabbed a damp rag I’d brought from the kitchen and patted it against the sweat dripping into Maggie’s eyes. “Daryl,” she said, looking at me with pleading eyes. “Get this kid out of me. Rick’s taking too long!”

“Another push, Mags,” Rick said as calmly as he could and Mags put her all into that push.

“I see the shoulders!” Rick exclaimed and we all knew why that was exciting. Meant there wasn’t going to be a complication with the umbilical cord being stuck around the kid’s neck. Enid and Maggie had been talking to us all in detail about the birthing process for a month now. We was all as ready as was humanly possible considering our circumstance.

“Just a few more pushes Mags,” Rick encouraged. He had a clean towel all ready for the baby and I could see the blood on his hands. 

I pictured Glenn. With his baseball jersey and his hat. He looked like a kid himself when I first met him. He was gutsy and brave and I missed him. Especially right now while I was sitting in a place that was rightfully his. I thought again about that punch in the woods with Negan. I’d hoped he’d kill me. Hoped I’d be able to distract him enough that the rest of the group could make a move. But then just as quickly as I jumped up I was back on my knees again watching the death throes of Glenn’s body and hearing Maggie’s screams echo through the woods.

And she was screaming again as she was pushing. She looked so tired, ready to just drop. I ain’t never seen no baby being born before, so I didn’t know if that was normal or if she was dying like Lori had. I closed my eyes and prayed. Not a thing I really done anymore, but I felt so helpless just sitting there. 

_God, if you’re up there, please keep her safe. Let this one thing work out for us. I ain’t never asked you for much. And frankly, when I did ask I never got it. Just this one thing. You can take me right here and now if it means Maggie and her baby live._

Finally, out of the haze of my prayer and the final screams from Maggie, I heard it. A small cry, just like how Judy sounded in her first weeks. 

“It’s a boy,” Rick said, grinning from ear to ear and holding the newborn in the clean towel. I didn’t realize I was crying until Maggie looked up with her smile and wiped a tear off my cheek. 

“I’m okay,” she said softly.

“You ain’t supposed to be comforting me, girl. What do you need? Water? Something to eat? More pillows? A tylenol? What can I do?”

“You can hand me Glenn’s baby,” she said with a smile, her own tears spilling down her face. 

Rick handed him to me and I placed him into Maggie’s arms. 

“He’s beautiful,” Tara said.

“He’s perfect,” Enid added.

I looked over at Rick and could read his thoughts. _He’s alive!_

“Good job, Rick,” I whispered to him as everyone ooh’ed and ahh’ed over the new baby.

“What’s his name?” Rick asked, now by my side and looking into those young innocent eyes.

“I was thinking, Ryan. That’s the name Glenn liked. Ryan Glenn Rhee.”

“I like it,” I said. And we all went quiet for a few moments, even Ryan. The smile that would have been on Glenn’s face if he were here made me smile, even with the sadness in my chest at his loss. The time that’s passed hasn’t really changed the overwhelming sadness when remembering those who’ve gone before us..

A few days after Ryan came into our world, I was sitting in the living room with a cup of coffee, getting ready to head out to the stable and check on Lighting. Just as I stood, there was a knock at the door. Everyone else was upstairs asleep so I grabbed my crossbow and a handgun we kept by the door and peered out through the curtain, a smile splitting my face instantly. Carol.

I flung open the door and looked all around to make sure she was alone. 

“Just me,” she said. 

“Carol,” I whispered, already with tears in my eyes. Since things have slowed down and I’ve had more time to think and remember, I been tearing up more than ever.

I hugged her tight until she laughed and pushed me back. She kissed my forehead like she always used to. “How you been, Pookie?”

“We heard you on the radio,” I said excitedly. “Been listening every day for you to let us know how things was going there. Wondering if you was gonna tell us to come.”

“Would you have come?”

“I don’t know to be honest. Things have been going really good here for months.”

Carol looked around. “Who made it down here with you?”

“We have a visitor!” I shouted up the stairs.

“Rick, Carl and Judith,” I said stating what she’d surely already assumed. “Maggie, Enid and Tara, and we picked up a little straggler a few days ago by the name of Ryan Rhee.” The sound of a stampede from upstairs kept Carol from being able to respond. And they all came down, excited with smiles on their faces and a bounce in their step. Maggie brought up the rear with her bundle of joy.

“Ohhhh,” Carol said quietly as she walked over to see the baby. It was the voice she used to use with Sophia. Gentle, maternal, sweet. I missed that voice. Carol had become so hard after that. She was a survivor, that was for damn sure. But I hated how she pushed people away at the end in Virginia. You can’t live alone in this world anymore. Even without all the walkers, you need a family.

We sat down to a breakfast of eggs and hashbrowns. The eggs from some chickens that Carl and Enid found wild near a farm east of us. And the hashbrowns from the potatoes in Rick’s garden. We weren’t just surviving anymore. We were living.

The conversation was lively, with us talking about how we were living and Carol telling us about her journey and who else had made it to Atlanta. We were happy to hear that Aaron’s group made it which included Father Gabe, Tobin, Francine and Gracie. After we caught up with each other, the conversation turned to the future.

“I feel confident that the group is solid, there’s no wild cards. We don’t have enough people to start physically rebuilding, but there’s a good start of a working society.”

“How did you even know we were here, Carol?” Tara asked.

“Was out scavenging and drove past the prison. I’m the only one that comes out this way and I knew there were always a few walkers straggling around inside the downed gates. I saw the yard was empty all of a sudden. Took a closer look and saw by the head wounds it was by a crossbow bolt. Figured if you guys tried that, you’d try here.”

“So we can just...go back to a society?” Carl asked.

Carol nodded. “There are jobs and a constant supply of food and other necessities. There’s equality and a group that makes decisions together, not just one maniac with a baseball bat. It’s safe.”

“How are you adjusting to it?” Rick asked.

Carol wobbled her head back and forth indecisively. “I take a lot of walks to get away. But I like having a home base. Ezekiel and Morgan made it down here with me. And...well let’s just say Ezekiel would miss me if I didn’t come home every night. 

“I’m so happy for you, Carol,” I said, wondering if this was a good time to tell her about Rick. I looked to him and he smiled with a nod.

“Rick and I...we’re happy to come home to each other, too,” Rick grabbed my hand in his between our plates on the table. Carol didn’t even flinch. 

“I was wondering how long that was gonna take,” she said, winking, as if she’d known all along.

“Can we go back, like today?” Enid asked.

Carol nodded. “Or whenever you’re ready. It’s an adjustment, like I said.”

“I used to be a DJ, y’know,” Tara said. “You think Guillermo needs a wingman?”

“He hates dealing with the broadcasts. He’d love for someone else to handle that with him.”

“I could even like, maybe throw a few songs in every now and then,” Tara added. “A little pick-me-up for weary travelers. Maybe some newer Cyndi Lauper for Jude.”

Carol nodded. “We’ve been putting signs up around the state telling folks to tune in to 98.5.” She turned to Maggie. “They also need some good leaders now that the community is growing. You think you’d be up for that? There’s a babysitting room for Ryan.”

Maggie was lost in thought at that as Carol turned to me and Rick. “What do you think?”

I looked at Rick and spoke to him wordlessly before I answered. “I think we’re retiring, Carol. We’re too old for this shit and the farm here, it’s all we really need.”

“Dad, you guys aren’t coming with us?” Carl asked. 

“Carl, it’s time for you to take on the new world. Time for you to step up and create a better society. My time is over,” Rick said. “I did all I could.”

“Atlanta’s only about an hour from here, right?” Enid asked, looking back to Carol.

“If we cleared the main roads, probably a little less.”

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with just anyone babysitting Ryan,” Maggie added. “Maybe after I’ve got him weaned I can…if it’s only an hour..” She looked over at me and Rick. “I mean, if you guys are gonna to be out here raising Jude...” 

My eyes widened. “Are you asking us to babysit!?” I asked.

“Well, maybe for a while?”

“We only been retired for four minutes,” I said, exasperated.

“The new world is gonna need babysitters,” Maggie said with a shrug of her shoulders.  
Rick grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Of course we will,” he answered. 

“So...when are you all leaving?” I asked, my heart sinking at the change that was coming. Ain’t never been good with change, as everybody knows. 

“No time like the present,” Tara said. 

“I can just go today with Ryan for a quick look, meet a few people, and then I’ll come back,” Maggie said. “I’ll give it about three months before I dive into anything permanent.”

“Where’s everyone going?” Judith pouted, having not followed much of the conversation because she was always fixated on little Ryan now.

“Don’t worry, Judy. We’ll be back to visit you every week,” Carl said. 

Judith looked over at Maggie. “Are you taking my baby?” 

We all chuckled at that. Only a few days and Judith has proved to be one hell of a good big sister, so to speak.

“Ryan and I will be back tonight sweetheart,” Maggie said.

“Give me a hug, girlie,” Tara said to Judith. “I’ll come back plenty for visits.”

After all the goodbyes it was just me and Rick and Judith. The house was quiet and we were sitting on the porch steps long after the dust cleared from them leaving, just listening to the peaceful sounds of the birds and the crickets and watching Judith picking dandelions and singing the lyrics to _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck canon! I like my Carl alive and well!!


	11. Retiring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here you go- the happy ending. 
> 
> (You hear that Scott Gimphole!!! Happy endings are legal. Good days are okay. We haven't seen just a nice happy moment for these people since the Prison. Stop killing people for shock value and start paying attention to the characters!!!)
> 
> ...sorry, I'm still not over Sunday yet.
> 
> And one final shout out to lotr58 for her amazing beta skills!!

Two Years Later...

Time flies when you ain’t running or fighting for your life every damn day. Me and Rick’s retirement plan was working out just fine, ‘cept for the fact that there was a lot less alone time than I’d imagined. 

What started as us raising Judith and babysitting Ryan had turned into us becoming a sort of VoTech for teaching kids how to farm. Well, Rick’s the farmer. So he’s technically teaching the 10-15-year-olds. Me? I’m stuck “babysitting” the younger ones for the moment. Then when the harvest season is over, I’ll take the older ones out to teach them tracking and hunting and Rick will get the rugrats. 

Atlanta had finally started trying to rebuild and all the adults were working hard. Getting their kids out for a little country air away from the hustle and bustle was becoming more common. Ain’t that we don’t like kids, but sometimes it could get overwhelming. 

Even though the last walker spotted in the greater Atlanta area was over a year ago, Rick and me was still vigilant about letting the kids stray too far.

It was 4:30 on a warm August afternoon when we started getting everyone ready to return home for the day. Rick had six kids and I had five, including Judith, who was actually more help than trouble these days. Jude and her best friend Gracie also helped with the babies. Who would have ever known that Judith would grow up to have a best friend even though Gracie was a little younger? It was one of them random thoughts that would near make me tear up.

All the kids were in the living room playing and wrestling and doing whatever else kids did. 

“Why are we doing this?” I asked Rick, exhausted from another busy day.

“Well,” Rick answered, cocking his head to consider it, “It lets us stay out here semi-retired, but still gives us the opportunity to keep a toe in the water for creating a better future.

“A toe? That one,” I said, pointing to a three-month-old in a baby carrier, “pee’d all over me on the changing table yesterday. The only thing that wasn’t wet _was_ my toe.”

Before Rick could stop laughing at my plight, we heard the bus pull up. Father Gabriel got out to greet us as the kids climbed in. We handed him a few that were still in carriers, and once everyone was settled, Gabe leaned back out the door, handing us a bag.

“Here, some new clothes. Think I got the right sizes. Some toilet paper and Guillermo’s mother sent over a rhubarb pie.” 

I took them appreciatively and nodded my head in thanks. 

“See you tomorrow,” Rick said.

After the bus left, I looked at Rick. “All that and we get paid in toilet paper and pie.”

Rick laughed again. “It’s the best life we’ve had in all these years, Daryl. If getting pee’d on by a newborn is our worst complaint...then things have really gotten better.”

He hugged me, which usually always makes me shut my complaining up. It wasn’t even real, venomous complaints. Just kind of an “I never saw a future like this coming” kind of commentary.

We had dinner. Deer stew with fresh potatoes and carrots, and we listened to the story hour on WUSA with Judith before we tucked her in. Tara had started writing little children’s stories, but they were always based on real people. That night was a story about a boy named Glenn trying to find his lost love. Rick’s eyes were red-rimmed afterwards. And so were mine.

Judy was thriving. She loved having us to herself in the evenings and then getting to play with a dozen different kids during the day. We never thought we’d be able to give her this kind of life: friends, toys, safety. After we put her down for the night, we walked outside and sat on the porch, each with a glass of wine one of the ladies in Atlanta had sent over with Gabe the week before. 

Rick slid an arm around my waist as we looked over the crops in the light of the full moon. 

“This is the life,” he said.

After a few moments of silence and a few sips of wine, I asked, “You still think about the dark days?”

Rick nodded, still keeping his eyes on the fields. 

“Don’t think no matter how ‘normal’ things seem to be getting that I’ll ever forget running, killing, crying, hurting, losing people.”

“Same,” I said. “Gotta admit though, I thought all that would kind of fade away. Thinking my worst nightmares would be about the time Eliza got her first period over here last year and I had to be the one to tell her…” I shivered at the memory. “But all the stuff from before still sneaks in. The war in Virginia, watching the Termites slaughter the living as we sat there waiting our turn, scattering after the prison fell and worrying about finding each other again. The Governor. That night with the Claimers. It’s like all of it’s still there. I see Glenn and Merle and Hershel and Beth and so many others almost every night when I close my eyes.”

“Remembering is healthy,” Rick said as he rubbed my back. “If we forget? Well, that’s how history repeats itself.”

“You believe what Tara announced on the radio yesterday? A vaccine so that we won’t turn from a natural death?”

Rick shrugged. “Sure would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

“Think we should go into the city and get the shots?”

“Probably,” Rick nodded. “We’re getting older and...I’m a voracious lover. What if I give you a heart attack one night and you chew my face off?”

I laughed. “This is the best life I’ve ever had, Rick. Here with you the past two years.”

“My life was different than yours before the turn,” Rick said with a sigh. And I knew that. I knew this wasn’t any kind of improvement for him.

“But even having known a secure home, cable TV, an abundance of food always at my fingertips...this has been my best life, too.”

I looked at him, surprised. “Why?” I asked puzzled.

“Because you’re with me.”

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...And they all lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm sorry I haven't been responding to all comments like I've tried to for years. It just got too overwhelming to keep up with. But know that I absolutely love hearing from each and every one of you. Your comments always keep me inspired.


End file.
